i’ve been a very good girl…

I know, you’re shocked. How can a woman who has a Naughty River be a very good girl? Seems impossible, I know. But it must be true because the gods don’t answer the prayers of bad girls.

And today, my prayers were answered. (no, I didn’t win the lottery. Obviously, I haven’t been that good)

Today, the rain came and my heart did a little dance and sang a little song.

Am I happy for my flowers? Well, yes, that’s the cherry on top of my happy sundae, but it’s not the three scoops of ice cream.

I’m happy the rain came because I was being guilted into playing softball tonight.

By my husband.

Yes, he’s a bad boy, using the guilt card on me…she who rarely feels guilt. But oh, when it comes to The Fishdog and my loyalties, he knows how to twist the knife.

You see, I haven’t played softball in 3 years. A long time ago, I was a very good player. Today, I am a pretty good player with a lot of rust.

I stopped playing for the company team a few years back because I got sick of being at the fields 4 nights a week. Our summers were shot and it got to the point that the game I loved was becoming the game I loathed.

I made the mistake this year of telling Fishdog that I would be his backup-back-up-back-up-back-up player for this seasib. So he added me to the roster…and wouldn’t you know it, 4 girls were traveling for work and 1 had the stomach bug. My time had come to step up to the plate…so to speak.

And I really, really, really didn’t want to.

I silently prayed for rain. I did a couple of rain dances in the bathroom. I left the windows on my car down. I was contemplating washing my car when a rumble of thunder tickled my ear.

Could it be?

Could I really be so lucky?

Another roll of thunder tumbled through the sky and my heart began to patter to the beat of my rain-dancing feet. The sky turned into a roiling shade of gray. Lightning flashed.

But no rain came.

Or so I thought…

Apparently a flood hit where the softball fields are located and they canceled the games for tonight.

See, I told you. Obviously, I’ve been a very, very good girl and Fishdog got lucky that I didn’t have to miss LOST to go out to battle the chiggers and mosquitoes in the world softball.

dirt

Earthy, muddy, sandy, gritty, worm-laden dirt.

I love it.

Due to our ungodly excitingly long soccer season and the fact that on occasion that we try to have a life outside of our boring busy life, my flower beds have been neglected. I remedied that situation this past weekend.

I was a hoeing ho. A bitch with the pitchfork. Me and my rake, we shaked and baked. (thank you, Ricky Bobby)

Okay, I’m done now. Sorry.

Anyway, this weekend I worked my ass off in my gardens. I weeded, planted, sowed, watered, clipped, trimmed and sweated like I had a glandular problem. I managed to plant three climbing vines: Fuschia, Trumpet vine, and Lady Bank’s Rose as well as some Lantana.

I also sowed the seeds of love with some Bachelor’s Buttons, English Daisies, Poppies, Snapdragons, Hollyhocks, Sweet Williams (much nicer than Mean Williams) and other assorted wildflowers.

I can’t wait until they start blooming. Hopefully soon I can brag about show you some lovely pictures of the fruit of my labor.

wow. it’s friday already?

Well well well.

Friday. Already.

Good.

Last night was a very enjoyable night of TV. This has been the best season of Survivor in a while…and I’m not sure if it’s because this season actually has smarter players, or just smarter editing…either way, I’m happy.

I was worried last night that Yau-Man was gonna be voted off. Thankfully, he remains safe. Alex was right, the time for a power play was last night and it would’ve been smart to vote the little man off…but I like him so much and really want him in the finals.

Then there was Grey’s Anatomy. Last night, they introduced Addison’s spin-off show. I have been very opposed to this spin-off idea. It’s like the writers have realized they fucked up with Grey’s and so instead of fixing the problem within the show, they just wanna create another show and hope everyone will enjoy both. Well, let me tell you…after last night’s preview, I’m now a bigger fan of the spin-off. Tim Daly and Taye Diggs? On the same show? Oh yeah. I’m there. And I’m this close to dropping Grey’s off my must watch list if they don’t fix this asinine love triangle they have going between Izzy/George/and Callie.

Do they seriously want me to believe that George–the Grey’s Anatomy puppy–is getting it from two of the hottest chicks on the show? Really? Cuz in my opinon, in real life, he’d be the only one on that show NOT getting it. Spineless, indecisive men don’t get laid. And they certainly don’t get laid by two hot chicks like that.

Here’s the thing…it’s not that I dislike George…cuz I don’t. But I don’t find the direction they’ve taken his character believable. At. All. So, they better fix it soon.

Wordsworth for the YouTube generation

I can not tell you how much I love this.

Go forth and listen.

hah!

Mel takes a break from her Chardonnay (she decided on white instead of red tonight) to gloat.

For those of you who gave up on LOST, nearly gave up, or decided the writers didn’t have a fucking clue as to what they were doing, I told you so.

That’s all for now.
Oh, and isn’t Sawyer just the hottest thing next to white flame?

blogging catch up…

It’s the beginning of the month, and therefore my busiest time at the office. I tend to be fairly absent from the blogosphere during the first week of the month, and this week has been no exception. My apologies to everyone who has been waiting with bated breath for my next post.

Lucky for y’all, you won’t have to wait any longer…

Do you guys ever watch Maury Povich? I mean, sit down and really watch the show? I don’t either…usually. But that changed Monday afternoon. Maury was doing another ‘baby daddy’ show where the momma is convinced the her ex-husband-who’s-shackin’-up-with-that-skanky-ho is the baby daddy. And Maury sits next to momma and pats her knee and talks to her in his serious voice as the ex-husband and the skanky ho sit across from them yelling vulgarities…while Maury reads the paternity results. And wouldn’t you know it? The ex-husband-who’s-shackin’-up-with-that-skanky-ho is not the baby daddy.

Chaos and drama follows while the momma runs off stage and the skanky-ho yells more vulgarities and the ex-husband celebrates.

Same ol’, same ol’, right?

Not this week…because Maury and momma were testing man #17 to find out if he was in fact, the baby daddy.

Yes, the 17th man.

It just makes me hurt thinking about it. Maybe KY should seriously consider advertising during that show…or being a sponsor. Along with Johnson and Johnson. Or maybe even Trojans…of course, if condom makers started advertising on the show, Maury might soon be out of a job…

In other news, The Smart Bitches have magically brewed up another controversy over in their little slice of the blogosphere. Maybe that should be the Bitchosphere. It started with this benign bitchfest over the lack of wit this cover model displayed during an interview. (if you have time, watch the interview…it’s pretty entertaining) Now, I was inclined to ignore the dim factor of said cover model because A: my eye candy doesn’t have to be smart and B: who am I to throw stones, I’ll probably sound pretty stupid myself when I have my first interview.

Of course, I’ll never be dim enough to say something as ridiculous as:

If it comes from God we have to eat it

I mean, we all say stupid things every once in a while, right? (okay, maybe not that stupid, but I’m trying to cut Mr. Cover Model a break. I’m sure he knew what he meant…)

But then said eye candy (or someone posing as him) decided to post a scathing comment to the blog. What a fool. The bitches picked up that stick and ran around the room with it. Go on, read the letter. I’ll wait.

Let me say it again–what a fool. Seriously. What was he thinking? If the person who left that comment isn’t Mr. Cover Model, then he’s possibly done some serious damage to Mr. Cover Model’s rep. If the person who left that comment is Mr. Cover Model…then dim bulb doesn’t even begin to describe him…

That’s all for tonight. I’m off to open a lovely bottle of Pinot Noir and finish reading Red Lily. (Thank you, Nora Roberts for being able to write such vivid characters and making it so that I am compelled to read 3 books in 3 days. God I hope one day I can write like that…)

in which she asks for an opinion.

As I sit in my fishbowl (aka my office) and stare across the hall through Chip’s window, I realize today is a wasted work day. Sure I’ve done some work–but if I’m truly being honest–I pretty much pissed the day away.

Oh well. Such is life.

I have an early morning tomorrow since check in for the 5K is at 7:15. Yes, I’m voluntarily getting out of bed on a Saturday before 8 a.m. to exercise. Somebody take my temperature. Something just ain’t right.

Alright, alright. I know you don’t care about that shit. You are only here to give me an opinion. Really, how self important of you.

Okay, so I’m buying some domain names so that the Fishdog can get to work on my new website. I currently have a very old and outdated site: McKenzieFrancis.com We’re gonna update the look to fit my current writing and to reflect my YA books. (Bite Me! and untitled book 2, HarperCollins, coming not so soon, to a bookstore near you!)

I want to write under the name Melissa McKenzie Francis and that domain name is available in both dot com and dot net. I’m not sure if I can write under the whole name or not. It’s long…so it will take up a lot of the book cover. But, I think I should be able to, I mean, it’s exactly the same number of letters as Susan Elizabeth Phillips...and she’s awesome. And multi-published. I think that’s a sign. Since she goes by SEP does that mean I could go by MMF? (NO. Not MF, assheads….MMF. I swear, you people are sooo immature.)

Melissa Francis dot net is available but dot com is owned by a little girl in the UK who never updates her site but continues to renew it. Grumble.

Then there’s also Mel Francis or MMFrancis.

Tell me, oh blog readers… who am I?

the embodiment of perfect pumpitude…

I am seeing a personal trainer two days a week. Rose–she may sound like a delicate little flower, but don’t let her name fool you–Rose is a big meanie. And the stupid thing is, I’m paying her to be mean to me.

It’s hard for me to remember my days of athleticism. I played basketball, softball, and (begrudgingly) ran track. I played volleyball one year and dabbled with tennis in college. I lifted weights and played football with the boys on the weekend. I was an athlete.

Now, here’s the thing…even though I’m a large Marge, I’m still a very active chick. I walk and run and still play softball or basketball on occasion. I’m overweight but I’m not inactive. However, I hate the way I look in the mirror, so I’m trying my darndest to lose some of this extra padding.

I just don’t understand why I can’t lose weight while sitting on the couch drinking my Sierra Nevada. It’s really not fair.

I’m walking in the Double Decker 5K this weekend, so I tell Rose when I show up for my torture session to please take it easy on my legs so I can walk on Saturday. I shoulda just kept my damn mouth shut. She made me do two extra sets of walking lunges (somebody just shoot me) and today’s magic # was 25. So everything I did was in sets of 25.

I’m going to be so sore tomorrow.

Why couldn’t she just work me out the Hans and Franz way?

buy this book!

My friend, A.E. Rought has a new book out….so go buy it.

You can buy the paperback here

or

You can buy the e-book here

Look at this hot cover. Now, go buy the book.

ISBN: 1-59998-103-3
Cover art by Anne Cain

She controls the Elements, but he controls her heart.

Book One of The Chronicles of Nuermar.

Nuermar’s history is whittled in ruins, its prophecy carved in stone. Maelis, child of the Prophecies, is the last of her kind — a green-eyed witch, and the only one whom the stones of Nuermar say can channel the Elements. She alone has the power to vanquish the evil that reigns over her land. But without the greatest element of all, she has no hope of winning such an impossible battle.

A turncoat-assassin holds the key to her ultimate triumph. Yet the destruction of her village and the brutal slaughter of Maelis’ family lies on Joran’s hands. Can she overcome her hatred in order to fulfill the Prophecies and channel the ultimate Element – Love?

1. “A.E. Rought delivers an exciting and intriguing fantasy tale which will capture the reader’s attention from the very first paragraph and refuse to let it loose. The world-building is excellent and the story left this reviewer eager for the return to this world with the next in the series! Caution to readers: there are some scenes of graphic violence.”

   — Annie, ECataromance

2. “Nuermar’s Last Witch is a wondrously magical adventure in a battle against good and evil, A.E. Rought has created a fantasy world that opens the door to love and passion. Readers will be able to experience a world like no other filled with amazing creations that will leave them in awe.”

   — Anita, The Romance Studio

3. “Nuermar’s Last Witch blends second chances and forgiveness with a fantastic fantasy plot. Both Joran and Maelis are very complex characters, well drawn and multi-layered. It was a full read that was very fulfilling. I really rooted for Maelis’ emotional journey and her determination to save everyone. Due to the past emotional baggage of the characters, the romance plot was very fulfilling and I felt as if I’d been on a very full journey with the author. I’m very interested to read any upcoming books in this series.”

   — Cat, Two Lips Reviews

damn i’m tired

Now I remember why I don’t clean on a regular basis–that’s some tiring shit.

Sad thing is, I’m only partly done. Dammit.

But my bedroom looks great if you don’t look in the closet. And my kitchen, dining room and office area are mostly spotless. But my living room is still a mess and I haven’t touched the boys’ rooms yet– Oh well. I did get a good start on things today. And I got to have beer. At noon. On a Wednesday.

Maybe Fishdog will finish it up for me this weekend. Wonder if I can get him to wear the French Maid outfit?